Growing Pains: How Individual Therapy Can Temporarily Disrupt a Relationship (and Why That’s Okay)

When one person in a relationship decides to begin therapy, the expectation is often that it will lead to personal growth, better communication, and ultimately a stronger partnership. However, in many cases, the initial impact can feel destabilizing. Couples often find themselves experiencing tension, misunderstandings, or even conflict when one partner embarks on a therapeutic journey. Why does this happen, and how can couples navigate this challenging period?

Changes in Dynamics

Relationships function within a set of patterns and unspoken agreements. When one partner enters therapy, they begin to develop new insights, behaviors, and emotional responses. This change can disrupt the status quo, causing the other partner to feel unsettled, left out, or even threatened. If the relationship has operated within a particular power dynamic or emotional balance, therapy can shift that balance, requiring both partners to adjust.

Increased Self-Awareness and Boundary Setting

Therapy helps individuals recognize unhealthy patterns, improve self-esteem, and establish healthier boundaries. A person who previously avoided conflict might start expressing their needs more clearly. Someone who had been overextending themselves might begin saying “no” more often. While these changes are positive for personal well-being, they can initially cause friction in a relationship, particularly if the other partner is not used to or comfortable with these shifts.

Emotional Growth Can Create Distance

When one person is actively engaging in self-exploration and growth, it can sometimes create a gap between them and their partner. The partner in therapy may develop new perspectives, emotional tools, and coping mechanisms, while the other partner remains in familiar patterns. This discrepancy can lead to feelings of misunderstanding, frustration, or resentment, making it essential for both partners to communicate openly about their experiences.

Unresolved Issues Come to the Surface

Therapy often brings to light past wounds, suppressed emotions, or relational issues that had been ignored or minimized. What may have been a comfortable equilibrium in the relationship can suddenly feel unstable as one partner begins to address long-buried feelings. If the couple had been avoiding certain difficult topics, therapy may force them into conversations they had previously sidestepped.

Fear of Being Left Behind

For the partner not in therapy, there may be a subconscious fear that their partner is outgrowing them. They might worry that as their partner becomes more self-aware, confident, or independent, they will no longer fit together in the same way. This fear can manifest as resistance, criticism, or even withdrawal, complicating the relationship further.

How to Navigate This Period Together

Communicate Openly – Both partners should make an effort to share their feelings, fears, and hopes regarding the therapy process. The partner in therapy can explain the changes they are experiencing, while the other partner can express their concerns and seek understanding.

Normalize the Discomfort – Recognizing that relationship turbulence during therapy is common can help couples navigate it with less anxiety. Growth often comes with growing pains.

Consider Couples Therapy – If the changes in the relationship feel overwhelming, couples therapy can provide a safe space to work through challenges together and strengthen the bond rather than allowing distance to grow.

Practice Patience – Change takes time, and both partners need space to adjust. Being patient with each other’s evolving needs and emotions can help the relationship stabilize.

Engage in Self-Reflection – The partner not in therapy might consider their own personal growth as well. While they may not need therapy themselves, engaging in self-reflection, reading, or even seeking their own support system can help them navigate the changes with more resilience.

While the initial impact of one partner entering therapy can feel destabilizing, it is ultimately an opportunity for growth—both individually and as a couple. Relationships evolve, and the discomfort that comes with change can lead to deeper connection and understanding if both partners are willing to adapt. The key is to approach the process with openness, patience, and a shared commitment to the relationship’s well-being.