How to Talk to Friends and Loved Ones Who Have Lost Their Homes in Fires or other Disasters

As we watch the tragedy and devastation unfold in Los Angeles, many people are wondering how to be supportive of friends and family living through this tremendous loss. One of the most heartbreaking experiences is losing a home to a fire, flood, or hurricane—a place of safety and memories reduced to destruction. If someone you care about has experienced this loss, you may wonder how best to support them. Here are some compassionate tips for starting those conversations.

Lead With Empathy, Not Solutions

When someone has lost their home, they may feel overwhelmed by grief, shock, or even numbness. Your role isn’t to “fix” their situation but to listen. A simple, heartfelt statement like, “I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m here for you,” can mean more than offering advice or solutions.

Offer Practical Help Without Overstepping

Many people hesitate to ask for help, even when they desperately need it. Instead of asking, “What do you need?” try offering specific support:

• “Can I drop off groceries or a meal?”

• “Would you like help finding temporary housing?”

• “I’m available to watch your kids or pets if needed.”

By being concrete, you make it easier for them to accept assistance.

Avoid Minimizing Their Loss

Phrases like “At least you’re safe” or “It’s just stuff” may be well-intentioned, but they can inadvertently dismiss the gravity of their experience. Acknowledge the enormity of their loss by saying, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you.”

Be Patient With Their Grieving Process

Recovering from such a loss takes time, and your loved one may experience a wide range of emotions, including anger, sadness, guilt, or relief at their safety. Avoid pressuring them to “look on the bright side” or move on quickly. Simply let them know their feelings are valid.

Stay Present for the Long Haul

Support often floods in immediately after a disaster, but rebuilding a life takes months or years. Check in regularly, even after the initial shock has faded. A text, phone call, or invitation to spend time together can remind them they’re not alone.

Encourage Professional Support if Needed

Sometimes, the trauma of losing a home can lead to symptoms of anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress. Gently suggest therapy if they seem overwhelmed: “It might help to talk to someone who can guide you through this.”

Supporting someone after such a profound loss can feel daunting, but your compassion and presence can make a meaningful difference. Remember, it’s not about having the perfect words—it’s about showing up and letting them know they’re cared for.