Raising kids is not a game of Limbo

In today's society, there are often comparisons across the board to how children are growing and thriving. We keep quiet the struggles of our kids, and shine light on their successes. What does the focus on the positive do to the healthy emotional growth of our kids?

Development is not a game of Limbo. The bar doesn't start at the same place for everyone, and how it lowers or raises doesn't always come at the same time or at the same pace. There is a general guide for development, both physical and emotional. However, it is just that, a general guide. Just because one two year old can read, doesn't mean their peer who won't read until he/she is 4 or 5, will be any less successful in their life.

Every child has their own unique set of strengths and weaknesses. How they manage each side helps them achieve their next developmental goal. Even within the same family, one can see each child has their own distinctive personality. You could have an introvert and an extrovert, a child who academic achievement comes easy for and one who has to work hard to do well, a child who loves snuggles and connection and one who prefers boundaries, a child who walked at 1 and a child who walked at 3.

The challenge we often have as parents is seeing our kids individually. Once we do, then we see that the bar for their personal success would be set at the pace that works for their unique personality and learning style. The ability to do this successfully creates higher esteem and resiliency in kids. If their main environment, and first relationships in life work to create an atmosphere that supports their unique style of learning and expressing themselves, then they go into the larger world being more sure of who they are and how to get their needs met.

As a parent, take a moment and step back and watch how your child/children manage in a family experience. Does one immediately take the leadership role, and one shy back a bit? Does one show flexibility in plans and one need structure and preparation to accommodate expectations? Once you see how each child reacts to their world, create opportunities for them to shine in their strengths, and opportunities for them to work through some of their challenges in a safe and supportive environment.