The Appeal of Overwhelm: Why We Cling to the Chaos We Complain About

Overwhelm is not just an emotional state. It's a structure, a pattern, and for many people, an oddly stabilizing force. Despite the exhaustion it brings, there is a reason why we often resist making the changes that would alleviate it. The most compelling explanation is that overwhelm serves a psychological function. It gives us something tangible to grapple with, allowing us to externalize a sense of urgency rather than confront deeper uncertainties that are harder to define.

The appeal of overwhelm is not conscious. Few people wake up intending to overload themselves. It happens in increments, driven by both internal and external pressures. A packed schedule, constant notifications, or an ever-growing to-do list can create the illusion of momentum, even when that motion is mostly circular. Feeling overwhelmed can be distressing, but it also provides an easy answer to the question, "Why am I struggling?" The alternative, which involves examining whether the struggle itself is self-reinforcing, is far less comfortable.

Busyness, often associated with overwhelm, can act as a buffer against ambiguity. When every moment is accounted for, there is little space for uncertainty to creep in. For people who struggle with open-endedness, stillness, or the lack of a clear next step, the experience of being stretched too thin can be oddly reassuring. It becomes a way to avoid discomfort, shifting attention toward tangible, external burdens rather than the vaguer unease that can accompany uncertainty about direction, purpose, or personal growth.

Overwhelm also satisfies an innate human need for significance. If you are overwhelmed, it means something is demanding your attention. That demand can feel like proof of worth, even when it is draining. It can also become a way to signal importance, both to oneself and others. The struggle to keep up can be perceived as a byproduct of ambition, responsibility, or dedication. This makes the idea of stepping back psychologically complicated. If the overwhelm goes away, what remains?

The difficulty is that the desire to escape overwhelm and the subtle pull to maintain it coexist. People will often insist that they want relief while simultaneously taking on more than they need to. They may believe the next milestone, accomplishment, or change in circumstances will provide a sense of balance. The problem is that the habits reinforcing overwhelm often persist beyond any specific situation.

Addressing this requires recognizing the role that overwhelm plays. It is not always about time management or external expectations. Sometimes it is a form of avoidance, a means of control, or a familiar state that feels easier than what might replace it. The practical solution is not to eliminate all demands but to examine which ones are serving a necessary function and which ones are being used as a way to avoid something less concrete. Overcoming overwhelm is less about reducing obligations and more about understanding why they are so difficult to let go of in the first place.